Not Just Comforting Ideas          By Sandy Jones

Question:

Sandy, Your reminder to return to The Source when I'm fearful, worried, or anxious, has helped and is wonderful. When I remember and realize this, it evokes the peace that "passes understanding", and once again I feel at Home. This is my undeniable personal experience. I am grateful to you and Bill for this.

However, you, Bill, and others take what seems to me huge conceptual leaps, saying this awareness belongs to Godhead, Divine Light, All Knowing, All Loving Living Presence...even going so far as saying this is my actual identity that does not die. These and more strike me as merely comforting ideas, intellectual conditioning--how can anyone directly Know? Love---

Answer:

Dear Love---

I thank you for writing to me.

I understand your question, and I am going to try to answer it here.

I guess, for me, I see (know, understand) this Living Presence, Mind, Awareness, (experience, awareness, life) belongs to God--I know because I cannot for the life of me see what else or what other 'name' would fit such an awesome mystery and bewildering impossibility of this thing called existence; what else can we call this 'impossible thing' we experience as life itself.

'Godhead, God, Ineffable, Divine Light' are all names that suit the 'facts' of Life's Presence for me.

Maybe I can explain (maybe not, but I'll try):

Clearly there is Something being this tangible time-space experience called Life.

I say 'clearly' because I know that this world exists, I am fully aware of existing itself---but I do not 'how or where' this 'experience' comes from. And when I ask, 'where does it come from' I have to think about it all----

My thinking goes something like this: If I were on a search for 'where does this world, this existence called life; where does it come from' --- and if I could somehow set myself out on a little journey to find out, I would start by finding the end of the universe, peeking over the edge and seeing 'who or what is behind it'---

We cannot find an "It"---therefore, the "It" is Something beyond fathamable, beyond our linear rational, limited mind. This is why the ancient wise me called God "The Ineffable".

So, back to the search; I would set sail and zoom along farther and farther out into space, I would have to go beyond the very very farthest galaxies of space.

I would have to go so very far as to come to the very ends of universe---Imagine that. What would I see, I guess I would see a wall, or what else---What ever it might be, I would know it was the end of the road---there is an end, I have to stop--can't go any farther..

So, I come to this 'end', let us say it is a wall. A humongous wall--- what would I do then---The wall itself would compell me to keep searching--what is behind this wall. Of course I would climb over that wall, or maybe drill a hole through it.

And, let's just say, that on the other side of the wall I saw absolutely pitch black nothing. I would say to myself, Something had to make this pitch black nothing, this nothingness of black exists, I see it, I know it, therefore this 'blackness' is something--And what is causing this empty blackness--- Then I would say to myself, well I have to travel on through this too to find what made it. If I am aware of anything, then I am aware of something. This 'black void of nothing' this emptiness is real and it exists--

Well, what becomes apparent to me is that no matter how far I go, or where I go or no matter what I find or do not find---never, for one moment in all this traveling and searching, never was I without Awareness. Never. Awareness is with me always. That fact I take with me, always. If I go so far into space as to go back to the beginning of time, there I am a Billions of Light years into the past and Awareness is with me. If I observe the very beginning of the 'big bang' then Awareness is there. Awareness remains unchanged, unaltered, unaffected by what ever I see or where I go or what ever time I find myself in.

This basic fact tells me that there is Something Real, a Divine Principle that is being, causing, doing this Awareness. It is a timeless Principle, an immutable, un-caused, without beginning, Being that is being Awareness and is clearly present right now as we read and write. .

What ever is being this Awareness, I call it Godhead--I call this Immutable, Infinite Presence God because there is nothing bigger, superior or more than It. This Awareness I am is somehow attached to Something Real and I call That Something 'God'. And It is Always with Me. It is Who I am.

My journey brings me to see eventually that 'the final maker' would have to be Something that was never born, is not a thing, is not created by something else-- This is awesome.

Its a Magical Mystery Tour.

I realize I am not this 'temporal body' I am the Awareness that this 'body' is within. Any sense of "I am" is because of This Divine Awareness 'being all that I call me'--- I could not and would not 'know I am' if I were not aware---I find that to be Holy in all ways. Now I know the Source of This Awareness is Infinite and was Always, and Is Forever---If it didn't come from 'any other' then it will not return to anything---

The Peace is in the knowing that I am one with this Infinite Awareness. It nothing but Foreverness.

Obviously then, the only real sense of me must be God's Awareness. The Me that I am, belongs to Awareness, not to a body---The Me of Me is God's Me being Me. The body cannot be 'aware'--skin and bones and matter born of time are not 'aware' but I am aware of them because they are within My Holy Awareness. Awareness exists because of This Living Light (quantum science discovered this Unseen Light, Zero Point Light that the light of of our Everyday world is made of) they say that This Zero Point Unseen Infinite Light is Being the source of All That Is. Yet, they can only know this, explore this, and discover this because Awareness is with them during the whole time of discovery. None of this can happen if were not for Awareness. Immeditate, Here and Now, never for a moment is Awrareness not here.

Douglas Harding does his own explaining this way and he does an excellent job of it: :

This Amazing Realization
Why or how Consciousness should arise as it does from the blank inane Here, as it's doing all the time, is just incredible mystery. And if you call this God, I'm sure that God is absolutely astonished by his own impossible feat of self-origination. He doesn't know how he does it. If he knew how he did it, he would be missing out on the greatest joy imaginable, which is the wonder of Consciousness arising from Unconsciousness for no reason and with no help.

Human beings are so incredibly blasé. You show them something like this, and they say, "So what! What are you going on about? Of course Being has to be. Consciousness has to exist. Isness is natural."

I think that God's hair stands on end in wonder at her own self-invention. It's impossible! It's that wonderful. Gosh, let me live from this realization, this astonishment.

Put it like this: we congratulate ourselves on various things, don't we? I congratulate myself on being English, perhaps. Ha ha! I congratulate myself on being male, which is even more ridiculous. I congratulate myself on not having Alzheimer's too badly at this time. A million things we congratulate ourselves on, give ourselves good marks for.

But there's one thing that's superb, and we never realize what an incredible thing it is: I Am. I've occurred. Not I am this, not I am that, but just I Am. That is the great Marvel. I Am!

After that, a billion universes are chickenfeed.

This is so important for me because it puts in perspective my troubles. A reality that can get off its own launching pad with no help and for no reason and invent itself and get cracking and produce the kind of universe we have - I trust the One who can do that. I'm not going to get too bogged down in the silly, quirky little details of Douglas's nonsenses. I'm not going to take my little self and my troubles so seriously, now.

I'm awake to this astounding miracle going on Here all the time.

This mystery of what's behind the I Am puts the I Am and all other stuff into perspective, and my problems become peanuts in the light of this amazing realization" (Douglas Harding)

Here is the article about Zero Point Light, you might enjoy:
The Brilliant Light

Much Love to you, and I hope this is helpful, Let me know, I would really like to know if there is anything beneficial to you here.

Love, Sandy

Return To Essay List